All Bae'd Out: Is love and dating irrelevant in your twenties?
I left my business communications class patting myself on the back today. I felt proud that my semester was developing smoothly, I was connecting with professors and turning in work in a timely manner, well majority of the time. Nonetheless, I’ve been able to maintain all A’s with less than three weeks of class left and no sign of failing. As I used the restroom I realized I hadn’t talked to my on-off-again love interest, and wondered what he could be up to. Prior to this semester and being hired at a new job, I spent many nights fawning, crying, fussing and wasting idle time over a man who possessed mediocre feelings for me. My long work days and busy class schedule had begun to fill up my day entirely, typically leaving me too tired to reflect on or feel those constant emotions of disappointment or butterflies unless we were physically in the same room. It was in that moment that he popped in my head that I had a serious ephiphany; every twenty-something isn’t going to find love, nor do they need to find love if they are successfully pursuing their dreams, career, or financial stability.
Relationships for our current society seem to have been boiled down to cute social media pictures, misleading browsers on how real life relationships work, and leaving them with this glamourized idea of how to form a healthy love connection. The hook-up culture is something that I never understood until recently. I can’t say I’m against the hook-up culture that many of the generation X youth have so painfully marginalized, but I prefer to be tied down to one person, particularly one I intend on marrying. Dating multiple individuals, I use the term loosely, has become a trend so much that apps like Tinder and Badoo provide the tools for people to find their next fling.
Since I was younger, I believed whole-heartedly in the union of marriage even though I had been raised in a single parent household. I often fantasized about meeting the man of my dreams like in the movies, while sharing a passionate and often tug-of-war relationship similar to Quincy and Monica from Love and Basketball. But in that moment of academic pride that I hadn’t experienced much in my earlier years of college, I just knew God had other plans for me, and finding a husband and meaningful relationship wasn’t one of those priorities, yet. I’d get butt-hurt and a tad nostalgic when I saw pictures of high-school or college friends in successful relationships, or celebrating recent engagements and marriages before twenty-five. “What am I doing wrong?” is what I usually asked God and myself, which can seem a bit pathetic in retrospect, but I DESERVE TO BE LOVED (Mama Dee voice)! I am able to admit that those friends who are blissfully married are the exception, not the rule. It isn’t often that young people fall in love and maintain healthy relationships, nor do they stick it out through hell and high water like the older generation. We’ve got a cluster of youth that can be married today, divorced in a year, and ready for the dating cycle after a month.
I don’t have the remedy too help you avoid loneliness, but I can encourage you to stay focused on this money! No, seriously, when you are so involved with your own dealings during those high school and college years, it’s kind of hard to focus on a love life. I’m not saying avoid dating altogether, by all means you should want and have a healthy dating life, all I’m saying is hold off on the romance novels and fantasy.
The journey to finding a healthy you, whether it be mentally, emotionally, or physically is one that should require all of your attention; so much that you understand how to handle those disappointing love interest, tragic sex partners, or failed relationships you may acquire. It sucks that It took me twenty-five years to realize that my first priority should be completing my goals before trying to say “I do!”, but better late than never. Take the time to celebrate single, especially if you are child free. Adulthood is hard enough when balancing work, school, and whatever curveball life throws your way, so why get bent out of shape because you aren’t ahead of the race in the social media mirage of life.
How do you feel about the current hook-up culture? Have a great story about your love life, or relationship fails? I'd love to read what you think in the comment section.